Mr Plant
by SmithTwins
Summary: Title will be changed when a better one shows up. Desmond and Clay are back together for what leads up to The Intervention.


"Desmond, can I talk to you?" Clay asked as he sat down on a boulder conveniently located next to the plant he had named Mr. Plant. He is average sized, with dirty blonde hair, and blue eyes. His clothes look dirty to the point it looked like he rolled in the dirt. Mr. Plant was a tree-like plant that had three skinny trunks and bright green leaves on the branches. People thought Clay was crazy because he talked to a plant that at first people thought was a plant, but Clay knew otherwise.

"About what?" Desmond answered back.

"Oh, you know, nothing much. I just figured you might like some help with your multiple personalities." Clay replied simply.

"I don't have multiple personalities," Desmond said defensively. "And why are we back in the Black Room? I thought it got destroyed."

"Writer's convenience," Clay remarked sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Desmond said, almost in tears because he thought he was insulted.

"Look, don't question it, just start talking about the three other people you got living in your head," Clay answered.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have a multiple personality problem." Desmond said looking away.

"Okay, then how do you explain Ezio, Altair, and Connor?" Clay asked.

"How do you know about them?!" Desmond asked looking back at Clay.

"Well, I have lovely conversations with them quite frequently. Well, except for Ezio, he just kinda creeps me out." Clay responded.

"Well, I guess there's no more hiding it, is there?" Desmond said in defeat.

"Nope, so start talking," Clay said with a smile. "Mr. Plant and I are more than willing to help you."

"You and that plant," Desmond said, sitting down next to the boulder. "Where should I begin?"

"Let's start with how these personalities came to be. Tell me about your childhood." Clay said, using his best psychiatrist voice.

"Well, my dad never gave me enough hugs…" Desmond started to say before he was interrupted.

Clay cut him off, "Yeah, I'm sorry, but I didn't agree to help you so I could be bored by your life story. Tell me about when the problems began."

"My dad never gave me enough hugs, my mother was never around because she was too busy looking for things for the brotherhood. I didn't know at the time what was going on. All I knew was my parents didn't act like they wanted me." Desmond kept going." Well, it all kinda started when I ran away from home to become a bartender."

"I told you I didn't want to know things that would bore me," Clay said. "A bartender?"

"Yes, I like to make drinks. I think I'm pretty good at it," Desmond said.

You have lousy life goals, please continue," Clay said.

"Then those people from Abstergo took me and stuck me in this thing called the Animus. You know what I'm talking about, right?" Desmond kept going.

"…No, I never knew," Clay said sarcastically. "I mean it's not like I ever went into the animus or got stuck in the Black Room or anything…"

"Well, quit with your sarcastic mouth please. Anyways, after a while in the animus I met these strange characters and I had to relive their lives, so basically they became me." Desmond said.

"So the bleeding effect caused this?" Clay asked.

"Yeah I think so." Desmond replied.

"Then why didn't you say that in the first place?" Clay asked.

"I didn't know it had a specific name, okay?" Desmond said, getting a little bit upset.

"But, didn't you get told the name before?" Clay questioned. He then looked over to Mr. Plant and nodded. "You're right Mr. Plant, he is a moron."

"HEY! I heard that. I am no moron I just forget a lot of things." Desmond said, getting agitated.

"Yes, that's why you run away from home at sixteen to follow your dream of becoming a bartender, because you're just so smart…" Clay replied.

"How is this supposed to help me? You're just putting me down by every little mistake I've done." Desmond said.

"Yeah, yeah, don't start crying. How about you let me talk to one of the personalities? Maybe then we'll make some progress." Clay said, honestly just getting bored of talking to Desmond.

"Okay then…" Desmond said, holding back tears.

"Okay, how about we start with Altair?" Clay asked.

"Okay," Desmond said.

"You asked for me?" Altair said leaning back, relaxed in the grass.

"Yes," Clay said. "I figured it'd be good to talk to you, so that I can help Desmond."

"Help Desmond? You can actually help him?" Altair questioned.

"Well, I can try," Clay said.

"That sounds hopeless to me." Altair said.

"It does to me too," Clay admitted.

"How can a crazy guy like you help a crazy person like Desmond anyways?" Altair asked.

"Hey, I am not crazy! I am perfectly sane! Mr. Plant told me so." Clay said, very annoyed.

"Sure you are. So why did you want to speak to me? Aren't you suppose to be a psychiatrist? Where's the questions?" Altair questioned.

"I'm getting to that, jeez." Clay said. "So, first question. When did you become one of Desmond's personalities?"

"Well, it all started when he got that bleeding effect by following me around in my life," Altair said. "Then, I decided to start following him around. I don't like stalkers."

"That makes… perfect sense…." Clay said.

"Hey, you're the one that is talking to plants, so don't say I am crazy," Altair said.

"Don't talk about Mr. Plant that way! She is a wonderful, beautiful woman!" Clay yelled.

"Sure she is…" Altair said, sarcastically.

Clay only gave him an annoyed look before continuing. "So, do you, for some incomprehensible reason, enjoy being in Desmond's brain?"

"It's roomy so it is good, until Ezio tries to flirt with us in there. It gets creepy then, but other than that it's good." Altair said, lying back looking at the sky.

"Roomy? I'm not surprised. So do you not want to leave?" Clay asked.

"At some point, yeah, I guess I would like to leave, but for now I like seeing Desmond's mistakes." Altair said.

"I… I can't argue with that," Clay admitted. "It must be pretty entertaining."

"It is, until Ezio… You know. I won't repeat myself." Altair said.

"Okay then, well I haven't got anything else to ask, so I guess I'll just talk to Desmond so I can talk to Connor," Clay said.

"Alright then," Altair said. "safety and peace!"

"Yeah, you too. Safety, and peace, and whatever else sounds hippie-ish." Clay replied.

"So... Who's next?" Desmond asked sitting up.

"Connor is next, so shut up and go away," Clay answered.

"Oh, okay…" Desmond said.

"H-hi…" Connor said, sitting indian style.

"Hey Connor, mind answering a few questions?" Clay asked, being much nicer than he was to Desmond.

"S-sure…" Connor said shyly.

"Great, so when did you start living in the empty abyss that is Desmond's brain?" Clay asked.

"Well, um… It all started when he was living through my memories. So I kinda just stuck around him, thinking he would protect me." Connor said.

"Hate to say it, but you picked the worst person ever for protection." Clay said with a laugh.

"I-I know I did…" Connor said.

"So," Clay continued, "Do you like being stuck in his head?"

"It's not lonely in there. There's always something going on. Whether it's Ezio flirting, or Altair complaining he can't swim," Connor said less shyly.

"I see, so you don't want to leave?" Clay questioned.

"Heck no! I leave that means I die, and I like living and don't want to go anywhere!" Connor said defensively.

"So you want to stay even if it's bad for Desmond?" Clay asked. "I mean kicking a dog would be bad for Desmond."

"I don't really care much for his safety. As long as I am okay and healthy then I am happy," Connor answered. "Kicking the dog was only once a day! I have to release some anger and the dog was right there."

"That's probably the most rational thing I've heard all day," Clay said. "Okay, I'm out of questions, so can I talk to Desmond again?"

"I guess you can," Connor said. "By the way that plant next to you is a lovely plant."

"Why thank you! You're definitely my favorite now!" Clay said happily.

"Who's next?" Desmond asked, sitting normally.

"Last but not least is Ezio, so please go away again." Clay answered.

"Can you ask him one question for me though?" Desmond asked.

"Sure, what is it?" Clay asked.

"What did he do to Shaun, because now he treats me differently," Desmond said.

"Yeah, I'll ask him. Now go away." Clay said with a wave of his hand.

Ezio got up and sat next to Clay on the boulder. "Ciao, bello mia!" Ezio said

"Uh… Hi…" Clay said back, moving away from Ezio.

"You wanted to talk to me, handsome?" Ezio asked, sliding closer to him.

"Yes, but now I'm starting to regret it…" Clay said and pushed Ezio away.

"Aww, why would that be?" Ezio asked. "I don't bite, unless you want me to that is."

"Trust me, I don't want you to," Clay said. "Now let's get this over with. When did you start occupying Desmond's tiny brain?"

"Just like the others, Desmond relived my life and I thought 'hey, new women to flirt with,' so I stuck with him," Ezio answered.

"So you just stay around to flirt with everyone?" Clay asked.

"No, not everyone. Unless you're jealous, then I flirt with everyone." Ezio said, his most charming smile on his face.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm not jealous..." Clay said. "So, do you enjoy being in Desmond's empty brain?"

"Totally, because I meet all these wonderful people, like you" Ezio said winking at Clay.

"...I am already in a very committed relationship with Mr. Plant," Clay said, pointing to the plant beside him.

"Well, I could either roast that plant or chop it up. I know you want me more than that plant," Ezio said.

"No! I love Mr. Plant and only Mr. Plant!" Clay yelled.

"Well, for the winter when it's dead I'll be here, so you have someone to cuddle up to," Ezio said.

"Not if you were the last multiple personality on Earth..." Clay replied.

"You'll come around. They always come back to me, just like that sweet guy, Shaun," Ezio said.

"Wait, Shaun?" Clay asked. "Oh yeah, Desmond wanted me to ask about him. So, what exactly did you do to him?"

"Well, it's a long story. Do you have enough time to listen to it?" Ezio asked.

"Make it short and sweet," Clay said, not in the mood for a long story.

"It all started when I first was out. Shaun was there and he was a cute, sweet nerd. Only other person I met like him was Leonardo. Seeing how I'll never see Leonardo again, I have Shaun now. Well, he didn't accept me at first, but he soon realized he wanted me. Just like Leonardo did, but he didn't realize that until he was on his deathbed," Ezio said almost in tears.

Clay, however, was not moved by Ezio's words. "I thought I asked for the short story. You nearly bored me to death."

"First, how can you be bored to death if you are already dead? And second, Leonardo needs to be recognized because he was an amazing, wonderful painter, scientist, person." Ezio said.

"But he is recognized," Clay countered. "He's in all the history books, where you'll never be."

"...Don't make me kill that plant..." Ezio said, quite upset.

"Don't threaten Mr. Plant! Let's just finish this, okay? Do you want to stay in Desmond's pathetic brain?" Clay asked.

"I like it here, so no I would not want to leave," Ezio said. "Unless it hurts Desmond. He might be pathetic and useless, but he is still a person. A person that I would like to get to know."

"...So you want to flirt with him too?" Clay asked.

"Oh, of course I would love to but I can't, sadly," Ezio said disappointedly.

"Yes, such a shame," Clay said sarcastically. "Well, I don't have any more questions for you, so please go away and preferably never come back."

"Alright, Requiescat in pace." Ezio said handing Clay a red rose.

"Uh.. Thanks, I think," Clay said, quickly throwing the rose away.

"So, did you find anything about Shaun and Ezio?" Desmond said, going back to sitting on the ground.

"I did, but you probably are better off not knowing," Clay replied.

"Is it that bad?" Desmond asked.

"Yeah, it is," Clay said.

"Oh, okay then," Desmond said. "Well, is there anything else you want to do?"

"Yes, I want to throw you off a cliff, but that's sadly out of the question," Clay answered.

"Well, that's a little harsh don't you think?" Desmond asked not really wanting to know the answer.

"After having to put up with Ezio's flirting, nothing is too harsh..." Clay said back.

"Well, I wouldn't know how that feels. He's never flirted with me before," Desmond said.

"Trust me, I know, he told me all about it. So, want to hear what I think about everything?" Clay asked.

"Do I want to know?" Desmond asked. "Oh well, I bet you're just going to tell me anyways, so go on and get it over with."

Clay gasped. "You said something smart! I'm so proud of you! Anyways, I think there is nothing more I can do to help you. Sorry."

"So you can't give me prescriptions, or moral support?" Desmond asked.

"Okay, first, I would never want to give you moral support. Ever. And secondly, how am I supposed to give you a prescription if I'm not even a real doctor?" Clay asked, giving Desmond a 'you're so stupid' look.

"I know that much on the prescriptions, but is there any way of getting moral support?" Desmond kept asking. "I mean, it's not my fault I have this disorder, right?"

"...Yes, Desmond. This is all your fault," Clay said sarcastically. "And if you want moral support then you'll have to find someone who cares."

"Like Haytham... Who is, like, dead?" Desmond asked.

"Yeah, a dead man will totally help you." Clay said, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, how about Mr. Plant? Think it will help me?" Desmond asked again.

"No! Mr. Plant doesn't like you anyway!" Clay said.

"Well, you could at least say one good thing about me," Desmond said.

Clay went quiet. "Seriously? Uh... Well, you... uh... I don't know anything good..."

Desmond started to cry, and could not even say anything clear.

"Oh come on, don't start that! Uh, you can make a somewhat-okay martini. Happy?" Clay asked, hoping that would shut Desmond up.

Desmond started to stop crying. "You really think that I make a good martini?"

"Sure, we'll go with that," Clay said.

"Thanks," Desmond said as he got up and hugged Clay. "Thanks for the help. I appreciate it."

"Yeah... Anytime..." Clay said, awkwardly giving Desmond a hug back before pushing him away.

"Really?! Then I will be back later for more help!" Desmond said while he walked off. "Thank you for being here for me!"

As Desmond walked away, Clay sighed. "Mr. Plant, I do believe I have screwed up..."


End file.
